Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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