Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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