I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There's always time for handjobs
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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