she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
