i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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