this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
