pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
