Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
