honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
