Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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