if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
