he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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