He disabled his match.com account in front of me
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
