Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
