Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
