I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
