Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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