I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
