i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
