white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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