this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
