turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
