1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize