Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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