If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
