The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
this hospital has no fireball
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize