she looked like the before picture.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Randomize
