I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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