woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
