Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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