we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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