Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
