Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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