Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize