i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
