you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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