I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
