He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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