I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
