If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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