I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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