I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
