was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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