Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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