Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
