Christians are straight up FREAKS
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
