I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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