They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
