so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
