I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
there's paper in my vomit.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
