Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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