he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
