I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
