So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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