awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
