You're so nebulous sometimes
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
