"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
