the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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