Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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