I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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