she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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