...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
