every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
