omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize