Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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