So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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