Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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